


Laughing Night

by LouisAnnGemini



Category: Constantine (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Out of Character, pillow fight!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 03:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30133425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouisAnnGemini/pseuds/LouisAnnGemini
Summary: A laughing magician and a laughing devil.
Relationships: John Constantine/Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Kudos: 6





	Laughing Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time using English to write a fanfic. Thanks for Google Translate. Please excuse me, if I make any mistake in writing.

Tonight was the night. They haven't seen each other for a while, so after a short conversation, they went straight upstairs. Lucifer thrust John into bed and kissed him on the lips. He took off John's trench coat and threw it away. Then his tie, his shirt, and everything he wore. Lucifer's impatient moves amused John, and John was about to say something annoying to provoke Lucifer. But this time, something went completely wrong.

  
John Constantine, a magician with a silver tongue, who can talk a demon to death, was choking on saliva.

  
It was at this moment, he knew, he fucked up. Lucifer would never let this embarrassing moment be buried, and he would remind John of it every single day for the rest of his life, maybe his afterlife as well.

  
John struggled to cough the fluid out. He coughed like a patient with stage 4 lung cancer. He would love to open his chest, literally, to spit it out. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried, the saliva stuck in the trachea just wouldn't come out. He suspected that someone just stuffed a sea urchin down his throat, to make him hurt like this. He felt like he was burning from inside.

  
And what was Lucifer doing? He just sat there and watched John suffered. That's what he does all the time, wherever he is. He waited and waited. However, John was still coughing like he had an asthma attack. He was even weeping with tears. He coughed long enough for Lucifer to feel pity for him. 

  
"Oh, come here, you pathetic pathological liar."

  
Lucifer put John on his bent knee and patted him gently on the back. Finally, thanks to gravity, John was rescued from himself. 

  
He was so tired. His skin was completely blushed because of hypoxia and embarrassment. What a catastrophe. He heard Lucifer's irritating giggle, but he didn't have enough strength to stop him.

  
"Do you require CPR, luv?" Lucifer said, grinning.

  
"Piss off." 

  
John waved his arm to drive the devil away. Futile, though. Lucifer came near him and gave him an artificial respiration anyway. John closed his eyes and said no complaints. He would do anything as long as Lucifer maintained silence for the accidental interruption.

  
"I should let you die like that." _There he goes. What a surprise._ John rolled his eyes. 

  
"I will add it to my collections in Hell." Lucifer said.

  
"You go to hell, NOW." John exhaled. 

  
John was seriously considering kill Lucifer or let Lucifer kill him. Dying in combat against Satan, that's a way to be accepted into Valhalla, right? He would love to go anywhere but here. 

  
John was really upset, until he heard a strange noise, like a rodent screaming before devoured by a snake. He turned back and looked at Lucifer. Lucifer, who was equally shocking as John, stared back at him, looking confused.

  
Lucifer heard a weird sound, and it was coming from his own chest.

  
"Hic."

  
John burst out laughing.

  
Lucifer Morningstar, his father's insubordinate son, the eternal sovereign of Hell, was hiccuping.

  
"That's what you got for mocking at me!" John raised his arms and shouted hallelujah, "Thank God!"

  
"I did not *hic* hear THAT." Lucifer hated to hear his father's name, especially from this non-religious exorcist. 

  
"What is this?" Lucifer hiccuped again, frowning with the deepest confusion, "and how to stop *hic*...Ahh, this?"

  
"You didn't know?" John asked.

  
Lucifer is a celestial being. He doesn't hiccup, under the usual circumstances. However recently, some mortal sentiments got into him and made him human. So yes, for the first time ever, he hiccuped.

  
"I *hic* did not know. " Lucifer admitted, with great humiliation.

  
"HE DID NOT KNOW WHAT HICCUP IS!" John shouted out loud. 

  
And they tried a lot of ways to stop the hiccup, like holding breath, drinking water, and being frightened. But none of them worked. So John searched it online.

  
"Let's try this. Digital rectal massage." John pronounced these words, gloating brazenly.

  
"You just *hic* made it up." Lucifer didn't trust him, not for a single second.

  
"It's on Wikipedia. See for yourself." John showed his screen to Lucifer, and happily watched his face twisted with anger and depression.

  
"Or you can keep it going like this."John looked at him with an annoying smile, "It says some dude keeps hiccuping for more than 60 years, and he only stopped because of aging. You can break his record, Luci. I have my faith in you."

  
A conman's faith. Hmm.

  
"C'mon, it's gonna be fun!" John sat on Lucifer's thigh, kissing him while he was not hiccuping.

  
John forgot. He was coughing fiercely just a few minutes ago. His body was vulnerable and easily disturbed by any kind of change. So when he got really excited about something, a tragedy happened. 

  
Blood dripped on Lucifer's chest. He looked up and saw a hilarious scene.

  
John Constantine, a pride pansexual, who had extensively intercoursed with men, women, and some other creature, had a nosebleed before sex.

  
"Bollocks." He said.

  
John grabbed the pillow near him and tried to suffocate Lucifer before hearing his smirks. Lucifer fought back with another pillow. They fell off the bed while fighting, making real loud noises. 

Mazikeen went upstairs unwillingly. She was 80% sure that the noise she just heard was nothing serious. It must be some kind of stupid game between the boys. However, as Lucifer's keeper, she had to be 100% sure about it. So there she was, standing outside the bedroom. 

  
She regretted deeply once she opened the door. For Heaven's and Hell's sake, she would rather take a stab at any kind of boring things, or even take a real stab at herself, than see this horrible scenery:

  
_Two naked men were having a pillow fight._

  
What a great night. Everyone was laughing, except for her. Screw Lucifer and his goddamn boyfriend. She needed a drink. And a new job as well.


End file.
